Can't Leave You Alone
by TwilightsMyPassion
Summary: Edward is one month out of rehab for a drinking problem. Ever since his parents died, he's never been the same. He's given up. What happens when he comes across Bella one night? Will he fall back into his reckless ways or see a new light?  Drabbles
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! With my other story near completion and me being in a bad mood the other night, I came up with this idea. Let me warn you, this isn't so happy.**

**I don't know how long this story will be. I don't know why I posted it... I just wanted to give it a shot.**

**Post weekly? At least. Not very long chapters.**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own them... There I admitted it.**

* * *

><p><em>Summary: Edward is one month out of rehab for a drinking problem. Ever since his parents died, he's never been the same. He's given up on everything and just wants to drink. What happens when he comes across Bella one night? Will he fall back into his reckless ways or finally see the light? AH EPOV<em>

**Lets get this show on the road!**

* * *

><p><strong>(EPOV)<strong>

I stare at the flashing, neon open sign.

So damn tempting.

I lick my dry lips as my eyes move to the door handle.

"Edward, don't do it." A voice in my head appears. It sounds like Carlisle, my father.

I shake my head and gaze back to the door.

It says 'Open', so that means I should go in right?

Right?

"Wrong." Carlisle's strict voice reappears.

Shut up, dad.

"Don't destroy everything you've worked for." He says. Everything I've worked for?

Rehab was shit. I mean I still want a drink.

Or two.

So here's my dilemma.

I am one month out of rehab. I live with my sister Alice. She never lets me leave, she doesn't trust me worth shit. She's the one who sent me to rehab in the first place, claiming I had a drinking problem.

I really didn't want to go there.

I mean that 'first you have to admit you have a problem' is shit. Ever since I left I never wanted a drink more.

As I said though, Alice doesn't let me out.

She's not here though because she's working. Late. I have four hours left.

And here I am, in front of the local bar.

Involuntarily, my hand reaches up and towards the door.

I probably look like a dumb ass just standing here. Might as well go in, no one here is gonna stop me, eh?

It's dark out, which is surprising. It's September, yeah, but it's still only nine at night.

I can almost hear the music playing inside. The woman walking around.

The drinks pouring.

Shit, I need in there. Now.

But do I go inside or what?

Why aren't I in there?

Why am I even hesitating?

I grab the door but freeze. I can't pull it open. I want to.

Yet I don't.

"Edward." It's my mother's voice. My damn weakness.

My jaw clenches and all my muscles freeze. I can picture my mother's face but I can also picture a Coors calling my name.

Literally.

Freaky shit.

"Just go home." Mom says to me. I shake my head. I can't and she knows that.

I need a distraction.

I look to my side and I see a figure walking, it's getting closer. It walks under a streetlight and I can tell by the curves it's a woman.

She gets closer, walking on the sidewalk. She looks at me quickly but keeps walking. She walks past me and I look to my other side. I watch her as she walks, each step getting farther away.

Distraction.

"Wait." I call out and she freezes.

"Me?" I hear her voice. Or I think it's her. I look around and I don't see anyone else, it must be here.

"Yeah you." My hand releases its death grip on the door.

"What?" She turns around.

I shrug. "What are you doing."

"Look, I'm kind of in a hurry." She tells me quickly.

"You can at least tell me your name." I tell her, shoving my hands in the pockets of my jeans. She's wearing a leather jacket and tight skinnies.

Yeah, I noticed.

She gives me a pointed look. "I don't talk to strangers."

"I'm not the strange." I tell her instantly.

Yeah right.

"I'm still in a hurry." She turns and starts walking. My feet walk and I catch up to her quickly.

"Where to?" I ask, we're walking the same place.

"Home." She replies quickly and quickens her pace. I match her speed and she sighs frustrated. She stops walking suddenly.

"What's wrong?" I ask her. She's in a hurry, yet she stopped.

"What do you want?" She asks rudely.

"Your name." I smirk. "And number."

"How about, I know Twi Kwon Do, so don't mess with me?" She offers.

Feisty. That's pretty hot.

"How about you teach me?" I wiggle my eyebrows.

Yeah, that's me before a shot of whiskey.

Or a beer.

Both sound good.

"I've got to go, I can't waste my time on... you." She turns abruptly and begins to walk again.

"I'm Edward." I call but don't move. "And my number is 9800."

She knows the area code.

She quickens her pace, her arms swinging quickly as she walks.

"9800." I call out again for good measure.

Before I know it she's out of sight.

I look back behind me; down the street is the bar. I'm standing underneath a street lamp. I look at the ground and something catches my eye.

It is silver and shiny. I bend in my knees and I grab it. It's a key on a key chain. On the key chain there's also a picture.

Of the girl I saw moments before.

I smile and shove the key chain into my pocket, turning and walking away with momentum. I have a feeling I met this lovely woman again. I walk; hand hands in my pockets my left hand wrapped around her key chain. I smirk and walk straight past the bar, down the street and round the corner.

...

"Well the fact you live right around the corner from the best damn bar in town doesn't help either!" I hiss at her and slam my fist on the table.

Yeah, Alice and I are fighting.

Again.

Alice crosses her arms, showing no fear. She knows I'd never hurt her. "Look Edward, you need to stop this. You've changed; you've put so much work into this! Do not fall back into your old ways. You're better than this!"

I snort. "So much better. Alice I'm nothing without a drink."

"With a drink you're far worse." She states simply. "Not that you care."

"Nope not really." I admit with a nod. I purse my lips and look down at my plaid shirt. I roll up my sleeves a bit.

"It just gets you into trouble though Edward." She tells me and her voice instantly becomes soft. She walks the few steps across her kitchen towards me, stepping around the glass she broke. Alice reaches up to my face and runs her fingertips over my scarred forehead. I know what she meant when she touched my forehead. I am not stupid.

_"I dare you to say that one more time." I hiss between clenched teeth. My fingers are gripping his neck; soon he will be turning purple. He's struggling for air and all I can do is more._

_Something hitting the back of my head makes me turn and for a quick second I loosen my grip. That's all it took though, James was free from my grip. Still looking behind me I can see I was hit with a now broken beer bottle. There are people all around, taking in the scene._

_"Kate's a slut!" James yells at me again, pushing me square in the chest. My fist clenches and before I know it, he pushed me back. I stumbled but got back into the game, hitting him square in the right cheek._

"Edward..." Alice voice brings me back to reality. "Edward."

"One fight. Not because I drink." I corrected and pushed her hand away without force.

"A damn bar fight. If you were never there-"

"If I was never there, I'd be a wimpy ass sitting on the couch watching the news." I cut her off and she narrows her eyes at me.

We just stare at each other.

"I don't like that Edward." She whispers suddenly. "That's what should matter. Not a damn drink."

"It's a tie." I tell her.

"It doesn't have to be." She shoots back.

I swallow. "I'm doing nothing wrong."

"Nothing wrong? Nothing wrong?" Alice scoffs, throwing her hands into the air as if pleading for help. "You're ruining your life!"

"What life?" I quip. I'm nothing and she knows that.

"You dropped out of college once mom and dad died, Edward. You ruined your life then but you can get it back! You can still be a musician!" Alice is now pleading to me.

I snort again. Filthy habit. "Musician? That was just a dream."

"You were so close to accomplishing. You can get back to that..." She looks at the ground as if it's doing a damn magic trick. It's suddenly entertaining since I look down too.

"I don't see a piano. I don't see the money for me to go back to college." I say.

"Dad's piano is in the storage unit uptown. Get a job if you want money." Alice replies.

We both look up at each other at the exact same time. I open my mouth to speak. "You think I can play Dad's piano?"

"He'd want you to." Alice tells me and she looks as though she wants to cry.

"Don't." I beg her in a demanding voice.

"Please." She squeaks out. "Please change, you're all I have left."

Shit. Can't handle this.

I tug at my hair. "I'm going to bed." I need to get out of this guilt trip.

"Edward." She latches on to my arm when I walk by but I shake her off. "Please."

I don't reply. I just go to my room.

The basement.

Still yearning for a shot of wiskey.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: As I said, I don't know where this is going. Just an idea that popped into my head... Actually one idea of many... This one I just typed because I was close to a computer!**

**Feel free to review... Give me any ideas or just tell me what you think. Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Two chapters a week at least. Because these are shorter then I thought.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own the characters... Confession is made.**

* * *

><p>"Edward it's time to wake up." Says Alice as she swats me on the back. I am lying on my stomach, on the mattress in the basement. It's not comfortable and it's uneven but I don't complain. Alice has to put up with enough.<p>

Especially me.

"Don't you have to go to work or something?" I ask her stupidly. My voice comes out garbled since my I'm talking into my –used to be white- pillow. Not it's faded and thin as if I'm lying on a piece of printer paper.

Again, I don't complain.

"Not today, I'm having Jasper come over though so get your ass up!" She swats me again and I bite my tongue from profanities threatening to spill.

"Why does that matter if I'm up or not?" I ask and yes, I am in a complaining mood.

"The fact it's three in the afternoon is another great reason." Alice trails off and I groan.

"I have nothing to get up for." I tell her honestly, hoping to make her walk away.

"Not for long…" She murmurs. I flip over onto my back and squeeze my eyes tightly. The light is burning my eyes like I'm a damn vampire.

"What does that mean?" I ask her pointedly. She has a mischievous grin on her face and quite frankly it's scaring the crap out of me.

"Starting, Monday –which it is Saturday, just so you know- you have a job!" Alice says and she sounds like she's excited. I sit up quickly, giving myself a head rush. I place my left hand on the side of my head clear my throat.

"Why the hell would you do that?" I ask growing furious with her. She walks over and I watch her as she sits down on the edge of the bed. Or mattress in this case.

"Starting Monday, you're working at Wal-Mart. Cash register. My friend, Rosalie owns the towns Wal-Mart. I kind of placed in a resume and sweet talked her." She is still smiling. Where I am frowning.

As always.

"Well, I ain't going. I don't know what the hell you were thinking but-"

"Edward Anthony!" She cut me off. She brought in the middle name too, never a good sign. "You live with me, the least you can do is get a job! You need the money, you need to do _something _with your life!"

"Screw that." I growl back.

I hate that part of me knows that she is right.

"You're going." Alice says matter-of-factly. We both know she's right but I still bluff.

"Nope." I reply, popping on the 'p'.

"You need to do something with you life." She repeats and my muscles clench.

"Monday." She says and pushes herself up off the mattress. I watch her saunter off and I stare wide-eyed.

At least I'm not the Wal-Mart greeter.

Bright side to everything, eh?

Sarcasm.

…

"Not one freaking Bud Light?" I ask as I pop my head around inside of the fridge.

"I told you I cleared it out. You need to start clean—no alcohol." Alice says and even though I am not looking at her, it's obvious her hands are on her hips.

"A damn Bud won't do shit to me." I growl and shut the fridge with force. It jiggles like it's doing some damn hula dance. I turn to face Alice, my game face on. "Guess I just have to go to the bar."

"No, you can have a glass of milk." She states.

I'm about to argue with her more but the door gets knocked on.

"Now behave. Jasper is here." Alice says and turns to walk out of the kitchen. I see her walk into the living room and to the front door. I snort. Behave.

What am I? Two?

…

"Go fish." Alice says. And yes, we're playing Go Fish. Jasper, Alice and I… On a Saturday. Because apparently, there's nothing better to do.

I can think of a few things… But I know Alice would never let me.

I sigh and pick up a card.

It's a two.

"Got any twos Edward?" Jasper asks me. I narrow my eyes and toss the card at him. Somehow, he sees through the damn cards. He always takes mine and even though it's a childish game, it pisses the hell out of me.

"Take it," I hiss when he picks it up. I hear Alice huff to my side but I don't give her a glance. I don't need to see another scowl.

"Edward, got any fours?" Jasper asks me.

Punk likes to gang up on me.

"Go fish." I reply smugly, as though I'm playing poker.

I mutter under my breath. "Hope you catch a damn shark."

"Heard that, Edward." Alice scolds.

"Good." I look at Jasper.

He chuckles. The kid actually chuckles. "It's alright."

"I wasn't asking if it was."

Jasper just shrugs.

He must love Alice to stick around with me here.

That just pisses me off. Him getting his scummy hands on my little sister.

Sometimes I just want to skin him alive.

"Your turn, sis." I nod to Alice. She nods and looks at her deck.

"Got any-"

The phone rings, cutting her off.

"I'll get that." Alice says and sets her deck down, upside down.

"No," I stand up. "Let me."

Get me out of here.

Whoever's calling deserves a drink.

I walk to the living room and over to the cord phone. I pick it up, bringing it to my ear.

"Cullen residence." I mutter. Better not be a telemarketer, because quite frankly I am not in the mood.

"Hello?" A young woman's voice replies.

"Cullen residence." I reply again in a cold voice.

I hate repeating myself.

"Uh yes… I think…" She stutters. "Is an Edward there?"

"Speaking?" I say and it comes out like a question. Humph, better not be some damn person from that place.

Yeah rehab.

They check in, I guess.

"I'm… I saw you the other night." She says quietly. "By the bar."

"Skinnies?" I ask, remembering the tight jeans she had on. I raise my eyebrows at the memory.

"Sure?" She replies.

"What do ya want?" I question in a friendlier voice.

"My keys back." Skinnies replies to me.

"Ah." I tell her back, I remember her keys. "They have your picture on them, eh?"

"Look, I don't have time. Where are you so I can pick them up?" She asks me sounded annoyed.

"You never have time." I note.

"Where are you?" Skinnies repeats in a colder voice.

"Where are you? I'll drop 'em off." I tell her instantly.

Anything for escape.

"Hah. Not happening. Just tell me where you are." She tells me.

I roll my eyes, getting annoyed. My fingers tighten around the phone. "You don't give strangers your address, name or number?"

"Nope."

"Well, me neither."

"Hah. You gave me two of those three." She snorts.

I snort back for effect. "The address is to be kept a secret there, lovely."

She huffs and it sounds like Alice's huff. "Just meet me outside the bar?" It sounds like a question.

"Umm…" I look back to the kitchen where I see Alice giggling. "Sure."

"Ten minutes. You better be there, Cullen." She hangs up.

"See ya in ten, Skinnies." I say to no one.

I hang up the phone with a smug look on my face.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading.**

**Well, I don't know where this is going exactly.**

**Ideas, feedback anything?**

**Review?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Welcome back.**

**Disclaimer: Well, they are not my characters... Sally is though.**

* * *

><p>I look into my reflection on the bar's glass windows. I swear I see my dad, I look like him in so many ways, and it pisses the hell out of me.<p>

I don't want to be him.

I never could be.

He was a damn doctor, a freaking good one to. That's how everyone knew me, 'Oh, you're Dr. Cullen's son, eh?'

Like no shit, I'm Edward _Cullen_ and I look just like him.

That's not a damn coincidence, asshole.

Yeah, that would be my reply.

Always.

Where the hell is Skinnies? I need a damn distraction and just her legs…

I smirked at the thought.

I looked away from the glass window and to my right, where Skinnies was.

"Oh." I tell her, "I didn't see you there."

"Here I am." She quips back and crosses her arms. "Now where are my keys, Cullen?"

Ha. You ain't getting off that easy, Skinnies.

"Hah. I have them." I say and dangle them before me to prove I do have them. She takes a step towards me, reaches for them but I reach back and wink at her. "You ain't going no where just yet, there."

"What the hell do you want?" She snaps and crosses her arms again.

Feisty little one, are we?

"A damn beer. You?" I reply smugly.

Yup, she narrows her eyes. "My keys."

I can tell. "That's why you are here."

"That's why you are here." She says back to me.

I pout. "You think that's all I want?"

I'm in a playful mood.

Skinnies clenches her jaw and her hands are in fists across her chest.

"Not like that." I roll my eyes. I start walking past her.

"Where are you going?" She asks and starts to follow me.

"For a coffee." I shrug as though it's nothing.

"But my keys…" She says confused.

"After our coffee date you can have them." I tell her and she comes to walk beside me.

"I'm really… busy."

"You always are." I note and shove the keys in my pocket, keeping my hand around them so she doesn't try to take them.

As I said, she's not getting off that easily.

"You can at least tell me your name. I told you mine." I tell her after it's silent. I'm breathing in the crisp, night air but I also catch some of her vanilla body spray in the air. I don't mind.

Even though Skinnies was a good name, she wasn't wearing them anymore and I don't think she'd like to be called that.

"Well, Edward." She says, and she's in a bitchy mood. I don't blame her. "I am Bella."

"Bella…" I start.

"Swan." Bella says.

"Like the bird?" I ask.

She snorts. She sounds like me when she does that. "Sure, Edward."

"Never heard of you before." I tell her and that's strange.

I know everyone.

At least 90%.

I'm not shitting ya either.

"That's because I'm new in town." Bella tells me in return.

"You must be." I nod.

"Why do you say that?" She asks me instantly.

"Well, every other beautiful woman knows it's not right to walk around these streets past eight." I reply.

And in many ways, I'm glad I got to warn her not to be out.

This isn't the place you want to be past eight.

Especially if you're a woman.

Especially again, if you're a beautiful woman.

After eight… Places, streets, like these are for people like me.

And you don't want to mess with people like me.

I don't tell Bella that part though; I don't want her to leave me just yet.

"Why not?" She asks me curiously.

Poor, sweet, innocent Bella.

"Just don't." I demand and she takes a step away from me. She's walking beside me, but there's a foot between us.

Quite frankly, I don't like that.

The weird thing with this town, this street, is that there's a bar and then a few stores down there's a freaking coffee shop.

Guess what one has more business.

The bar.

Obviously.

We're standing in front of the coffee shop now and much to my surprise, the place is open. I hold the door open for Bella because even though I'm a dick, I'm a dick with manners.

One thing good I have from my dad.

I internally snort and stare at her backside while she walks inside. I quirk an eyebrow when I notice how good she looks in yoga pants. I lick my dry lips and follow her inside, letting the door close behind me.

She walks up to the counter and asks for a water.

Yeah, a damn water.

I cut in. "Actually, I'll have two cappuccinos, my usual, Sally."

Sally nods, smiles and goes to make the two cappuccinos.

"Bella," I shake my head and scold her. "You can't come to a coffee shop and order a water. It's practically disrespectful."

She sighs. "I want out of here as soon as possible."

Honest girl.

I like that, but I don't like that she wants to leave.

"Well, who has the keys here?" I ask her.

"Not the mature one." She replies instantly and I roll my eyes.

"I am more mature than you could ever know." I say honestly.

Again she snorts and I think it's her habit.

We have something in common.

Sally is back with the cappuccinos, and smiles at Bella. She looks at me and raises an eyebrow. I shake my head to say Bella is not my girlfriend.

Sally is in her forties and … she's very motherly. To say the least.

I told her everything… My addictions, my shitty life and my parents' death…

Now she fills in my mom's shoes.

Sally has blonde hair that she must dye or else it will be grey and she's pretty thin. Nice, but has a raspy voice.

She used to smoke.

And drink.

Yeah, we have a lot in common.

When I came back from the hab (rehab), I got coffee whenever I had a craving for a beer.

So I was here a lot.

A lot, a lot.

And coffee never settled the urge, but talking with Sally was a pretty good distraction.

"You gonna sit or not?" Bella asks me. I see I'm still standing and smile.

"Yeah, sorry." I apologize. "Caught in my thoughts."

"Care to spill?" She asks once I sit down.

I shrug. "Nothing interesting."

I'm not an interesting guy.

She sighs. "You had to get me a large?"

We both look at her cappuccino. I nod.

"More time with you." I say honestly.

"Why do you want to spend time with a stranger?" She asks me.

"Well, I have no life." Sometimes being honest sucks, but I'm not one to lie. "And I like you."

"Hmm." Bella takes a sip of her cappuccino and swallows. It's still got to be burning.

"Look," I tell her. "You're not leaving once _you're_ done. We both have to be done our drinks. Don't burn your mouth."

Her mouth is hanging open. "Well unlike you I have a life! I need out of here."

"Where are you going?"

"I…" She stops. "Not here!"

"You don't want to see me?" I ask her.

She shakes her head. "I don't like strangers."

"I'm not a stranger, I'm Edward. Plus how are you going to make new friends if you don't talk to strangers? As I said, I'm not that strange." I tell her.

And okay, I lied a bit at the end.

I'm the most messed up asshole she could ever meet.

And part of me –the good part- sides with her. She shouldn't be here with me, but I don't want to leave her alone.

I will eventually though.

I don't like that thought for some reason.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: We got Skinnies name.**

**Why can't Edward leave her alone?**

**He doesn't want to be/look like his dad either... Hmm...**

**Please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Welcome bac****k.**

**Disclaimer: They are not my characters.**

* * *

><p><strong>(Edward POV)<strong>

"What's that scar from?" Skinnies, err... Bella asks me, pointing to my face.

"You have to be more detailed. " I tell her truthfully. "I have many scars."

"The one above your right eye." She replies and is still pointing at me.

I sigh, "What does it look like it's from?" Isn't it obvious?

She shrugs. "Scars can form from many different ways."

"Hmm, how about someone's fist?" I asked her dumbly. She tilts her head to the side. "Asshole was wearing a ring, hence the scar."

"Who?" Bella asks me as though she's interested.

"A guy."

"Name?"

"None of your business?" Yeah I can be an asshole.

Thought we already had that clear.

"Did you get into a fight?" She asks me, pushing.

I don't like to tell people about me and I fight the urge to tell her off.

"Not neccesiarily."

"What happened?" She asks me.

"He had one too many drinks and was being mean to his wife. I told him off. He didn't like it." I told her and was surprised I even said a word. I never told anyone, anything.

Alice thinks that she knows everything but in reality, she knows very little about me. I fill her in on basics and importants but nothing... extreme. I don't want to worry her.

Though what I just told Skinnies wasn't extreme. Not even close.

I see her nod and take a sip of her cappucino. "This is very good."

"I always get it." I smirk and take a gulp of mine. Mine is halfway gone and I don't know how much she has left. I have to admit that a part of me, a very small part, does feel bad. I'm forcing her to sit here with me when she clearly doesn't want to.

That small part won over.

I look at the table and mumble, "You can go know."

I reach in my pocket, grab her keys and toss them onto the table. I don't look up from the table.

I hear the keys move and dangle around but I don't hear anything else.

I don't dare look up.

"Am I boring you?" She asks me in such an innocent voice.

"No, I just don't want to be an ass to you." I admit.

"How are you being an ars?" Bella asks me.

She's the complete opposite of me. Innocent, sweet , refusing to swear.

Though I did hear her say the word hell. I must have really pissed her off because she didn't seem like the kind of girl to swear.

Innocent as I said.

She didn't even repeat the word ass.

She said ars.

I shook my head and chuckled to myself. "Well, forcing you to stay here when you clearly don't want to, is an asshole move on my hand."

"Hmm..." She hums. "Well, you gave me my keys and I'm still here, so."

"So you can leave." I tell her. I still stare at the table.

"I'd rather stay here I think."

I look up at her. "Aren't you busy?"

I watch Bella carefully as she lifts up her cappucino and shakes the cup a bit. "I still have cappucino left."

I smile, and for once it's a real smile. It feels good. "Me too."

I lift up my cup as well and shake it around a bit, making sure it didn't slop over even though it's only half full.

"So Edward Cullen," Bella starts as I set my cup back down on the small table. "What were you doing at the bar the other night? You seem to have refused to go inside."

"Well Bella," I tell her trying to keep myself sounding friendly. I swallowed back rude words and stopped myself from telling her that it wasn't her business before I reply. "It's a long story."

She nods in understanding but doesn't give up. "I have time."

"It's really boring."

"I bet you that's a lie."

"It isn't." I grit my teeth. "You don't want to know."

"Yes I do." She pushes.

My fingers clench around my cappucino cup. "I was going to go inside but you distracted me."

"Oh, sorry." She says, sounding guilty.

"No," I assure her instantly, surprisingly I sound nice. "I'm glad you distracted me."

"Why?" Bella questions me.

"That's a story for another time." I tell her instantly, trying to put it to the side.

"Well, when will you tell me?"

"Why do you care?"

"I want to schedule a date for us."

I scoff. "You seriously want to see me again?"

My good side and my bad side are both saying that.

She nods. "I guess it would be nice having one friend in town."

I snort. "I'm the perfect friend."

"I think you could be." Bella tells me and smiles.

"I really don't want you to be disappointed." I sigh.

Again, honesty can be a bitch but it's better than getting bit in the ass by karma later in life. I really couldn't afford any more mishaps.

I just prayed that all my mistakes in the past wouldn't come and bite me in the ass when it came to Bella. For some reason, I couldn't leave her alone.

And that terrified me.

Somehow one coffee date turned into so much more.

I had a feeling she'd one day now more than I ever wanted to tell.

...

"Tell me something about your mother." Bella asks me when our conversation went dry.

I instantly stiffen and all my muscles clench. I remember that she doesn't know, so I can't be all that mad at her for bringing it up.

"She's in a better place." I reply tensely.

"I'm sorry to hear that." She whispers to me.

"And my dad is six feet under." I tell her so she doesn't ask.

She gasps and I give her a questioning look. "I'm sorry again..."

I shrug.

"How can you think so little? I mean, your father..."

I stop listening.

"Look Bella, my parents are gone. They're not coming back. I think that's for the best. My dad and I never get along and I hate being reminded of him, my mother on the other hand I loved and still love, so again, I hate to be reminded of that because lets face it, I won't see her for quite some time." I rush over and afterwards I take a long drink of my cappuccino and now it's empty. I set it back on the table.

Bella says nothing.

* * *

><p><strong>Please Review.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry it's been awhile. My other story and school take up a lot of time actually. I'll post whenever I can.**

* * *

><p><strong>(Edward POV)<strong>

"I know how you feel." She whispers, gripping the cup of her drink.

I look away to the wall clock and snort. Yeah right.

"Edward." Bella's voice taunts me.

"What?" I look back to her and she's staring at me. "Hm?"

I was an asshole.

I didn't deserve to spend even a moment with someone like her. But I am and I'm being an asshole.

"I lost my mother too."

"That sucks." I look at the table.

I feel sympathy and I hate the feeling.

I don't feel anything. I don't want emotion.

"We weren't that close anyways." Bella tries to play it off but I can tell she is upset about it.

My dad and I weren't close either.

"And it's a little late to try and get close now." She murmurs and my chest clenches.

Heartburn probably.

Because I refuse to feel emotion.

"But my dad and I are pretty close. He's chief of the police downtown here. He's nice though, I mean he doesn't even seem like a freaking cop I swear." She laughs to herself and I laugh. I laugh mostly because she resorts to the word freaking.

"Yeah, my dad and I hated each other." Why do I say these things. My lips need a damn zipper I swear. "My mom was great... and I don't know what she saw in my dad. He was a dick."

"He was a doctor." I add. "But just because he saved lives doesn't make him a hero."

"Oh." Bella whispers though I know she's paying attention she probably just didn't have a good reply. I don't blame her.

"He had some temper on him. My sister thinks I get my temper from him." I chuckle. I'd never do half the shit he did though. Hiding behind the 'I'm a good doctor' act. Really, he was just a good liar.

If I were to look up to him, it would be for that reason. He could lie his ass off. And he did.

His whole life was a lie.

Shit, my mom knew he fooled around and she still stayed. Only because she wanted a good childhood from her kids. I'm sure leaving my dad would've given Alice a better childhood. And me? I'd turn out like a mess-up anyways. That's just who I was.

"My mom ruined her own life. I don't know what she got herself into, but it killed her in the end." Bella whispers. "I'll never know the truth either. She wasn't home half the time."

"Were you at home?" I ask dumbly.

Bella looks confused but does reply. "Yeah, always. Why?"

"Then why'd she leave? Smart people would know to stay with some as pretty as you." I wink. "I mean, your mom must have loved you to bits."

Who wouldn't?

Bella goes silent.

I go silent.

I become uncomfortable.

I look at Bella.

I watch her as she pushes the cup aside and starts to stand. "Well, my coffees gone... I should go." She says and I instantly stand as well.

"Wait." I say beggingly.

"Yeah?" She asked and pushes her chair in once she moves aside.

"When... uh," Why the hell was I stuttering? "When will I see you again?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe one day we'll pass each other again." She trails off and I freeze.

"But, I mean..."

"Thanks for my keys... back." She shakes her head.

"Bella." I say her name.

"Edward." Bella says my name. I like the way it falls from her lips.

"I know you didn't want to have coffee with me but..." I tug at my hair. Improvise idiot, improvise. "Uh... I really liked it."

Yeah, I actually liked something.

"It wasn't bad," Bella agrees. "Especially under the circumstances."

Of course.

"And, uh..." I stutter again. I never stutter. Something was clearly wrong with me. "It's just..."

"Yes?" She asks and I'm surprised she isn't irritated. Or well, she doesn't sound irritated.

"Look, I play guitar... and uh, I'm doing an open mic night thingy and uh... shit." I stop talking.

I wait for her to just leave but when she doesn't I tilt my head to the side. Then she speaks, "Where are you playing?"

"Uh... At Breaking Dawn." I almost forgot for a moment. I watch her reaction. She nods. "It's a... coffee stop and library. Well kind of, it's just a place to chill ya know?"

"When will you play?" Bella asks me and I for once feel hopeful.

"I play a lot..." I chuckle. Shit she wants to see me play. Shit she needs a date. "Tomorrow?"

Because I already want to see her again and she hasn't even left me.

"Tomorrow after dinner, I'll be there for hours I'm sure." I chuckle nervously.

"Alright, see you then... If I have time."

Please have time.

I had no idea why she'd give me time of day but she did and she may again.

"Okay, I'll be there." I look at the floor.

"See you, Edward." She says in a soft voice and I nod.

"Uh, yeah. See you." I hope.

And she leaves.

The door jingles as it opens.

I stare at the door for a while and Sally walks over to me.

"You look like you need a smoke." She laughs and pats my shoulder.

For once... I don't.

"Actually... I think I'm good." I smile.

"You like her don't you?" Sally asks.

"She's nice, yeah." I nod.

"Well you're smiling, so she has some effect on ya." Sally clicks her tongue and walks over, over her shoulder she calls, "Bring her back here anytime."

I smirk and play with my fingers.

I need to practice my guitar.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Please review. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Welcome back... To my twisted version of Edward/**

**Disclaimer: Well the characters aren't mine. I just toy with their characteristics. **

* * *

><p>I hear the front door open and close but i don't stop. I keep strumming the guitar in my hands. Mom gave it to me when I was a kid.<p>

A wee freaking lad.

I remember, for my tenth birthday she gave it to me and the thing was huge. My fingers were to damn small but I still tried to play it.

I don't know why, but I kept the darn thing with me all this time.

Shortly after my parents died I was drinking and greiving and drinking some more and I came across the guitar one night. I started strumming and before I knew it I was taking lessons by some guy uptown.

Brady, he name was Brady.

He put up with me, frustration and all.

Now I can kind of play. I'm no song writer and I'm way better at the piano but I also play guitar.

Let's just say I know how to work my hands.

I'm pretty good seeing as I didn't play this damn guitar for over a year. It didn't come to the hab with me.

I'm not the best singer and my voice is raspy and shit but I still sing along to a common song.

"Haunted by the things I've made." I sang along under my breath.

"Edward?" I heard Alice peek her head around the corner to the room I was in. "Oh! I thought you were... You're playing guitar."

I smirk. I actually smirk. "Yeah."

My hands stop and stay still on the guitar as Alice speaks. "Well don't stop."

"I kind of want a Bud Light beside me." I admit.

In the hab, they want you to talk about it to show your emotions.

Well I want a beer.

Again.

The break without the craving was... nice.

"But you're playing guitar so lovely." Alice smiles. She was 'taught' how to get through my little episodes like this.

"I'd like a companion." I wink.

"I'll sit and listen."

"I want a drink."

"I'll get you a glass of water." She smiles wider but this time it's because she knows that she has won... again. "Edward it's been months since you've had a drink and you're doing so well-"

"I know, I know." I shake my head. "A glass of water will do then."

I look down at the guitar.

I hear little steps that belong to Alice as she walks off to get me a water bottle and before I can start playing again she handed me the bottle. "You know, mom would be so proud. I bet she is."

Alice looked up to the ceiling as though she'd see through it to the heavens.

"Mmm." I take a sip of the water. "Finally feeling proud of something so little."

"Edward..." Alice started.

"No, Alice. Look at me! I'm a damn wreck! I live with you damn it! And I am older! Mom's proud of you. Dad is too because he always was he was proud when you lost a damn tooth but when I got straight A's or accepted into college he didn't even congratulate me. He hates me and mom is not proud." I am yelling now and the guitar is tossed to the side. "I'm nothing, so I drink. You wouldn't understand little one, you've been loved and cared for and-"

"You are loved and cared for!" Alice insisted.

"I have you Alice. That's it. Before I had you and mom." I look at the ground, I can't make eye contact. "And now I can't even have a drink to get rid of this shit in my head."

"Kate cared about you." My sister offered.

"Don't say her damn name Alice." I hiss.

"Were you really going to propose to her?" Alice asked.

"No!" My head shoots up. "Are you kidding? How told you that bullshit?"

"Jasper."

"Of course, that little-"

"Hey! She's the only girl I ever saw you with. You actually smiled after mom and dad's death when you were with her. Sorry for thinking you miss her because she made you happy but since you're life went into the shit hole you ruined it all and she left you."

Alice said that in one breath too.

"I don't miss her." I shake my head. "She was just another void."

"How could she be? She made you happy!"

"You lose people you get close to Alice. Did you not know that? It happens. So if you don't get close to people... you're okay. You don't feel pain."

"You won't feel love either. You won't feel anything." Alice argued.

"Either way you'll... I" I stutter. "I don't need love."

"You need something to live for. If you love someone they'll stay."

"I loved mom."

"You'll see her again one day! It was her time-"

"Yeah right when I needed her and now look at me!" I am back to yelling.

"Mom wants you happy. I want you happy. I need you. Mom needs to see her son happy. It must kill her to see you so upset, so emotionless actually. When is the last time you smiled?"

"Tonight."

"My ass."

"I went out thank you very much." I clench my jaw.

"I know... where were you? I told the guys at the bar to not let you -"

"I saw a friend."

"Friend?" Alice questions.

"Yes, and I smiled. Now go. I want to play guitar." I say and usher her out of the room. "And don't come back unless you have a Bud."

...

"I was broken for a long time." I sang.

Marcus Foster.

I mess up on a chord and cuss under my breath but get back to it.

That's what happens when you don't play for a year.

I close my eyes and play thinking about Skinnies.

About Bella.

About my mother.

Esme.

Esme Cullen.

_"But mom, my hands are too tiny." I am about to throw a tantrum._

_My mom grabs my hands and hold them up to her own. "Look, they're about the size of me. Soon you can play this guitar and you'll play beautiful music."_

_"And I can be a magician?" I ask._

_"A musician?" My mother laughs and corrects me. I nod eagerly and smile widely. "You can be anything you want Edward. Anything."_

_"I want to play music so every can hear and they can like and they can-"_

_"And I'll always listen to it and say 'That's my son'." My mother smiles and kisses my forehead. "Until then you can practice your piano."_

_"Okay!" I sit up and carefully place the guitar aside._

_I run to the piano._

"Mom." I sigh and slump against the wall. The music stops flowing and my eyes shut.

"I don't want to let you down mom." I murmur. "But it's so damn hard..."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Does anyone feel sympathy for Edward?**

**Review please!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Welcome back.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters**

* * *

><p><strong>(Edward POV)<strong>

Shit.

I have work on Monday.

Tomorrow actually, since it's Sunday morning.

"Alice?" I ask walking into the kitchen.

She's not in there.

"Alice?" I call out and walk around the house until I find her in her room.

"Edward." She grumbles. "It's six in the morning, what's up?"

"I don't know how to work a cash register." I chuckle somewhat nervously and tug at my hair.

"So you're really going to go to work?" Alice asks.

"Did you think I wouldn't?" I ask in reply.

"Well, it's you Edward. Lately, you've been throwing out plenty of surprises. I didn't think you would though." Alice says quickly. She's laying on her side facing me in her bed. She has the covers pulled up underneath her chin and I can only see her little face and spiked that's even crazier from bed head.

She looks the same she did ten years ago.

I still see that little girl...

"Do you think they'll teach me?" I ask dumbly. "Am I stupid?"

"Yes and no."

"Sorry for bugging you." I catch that she's irritated.

"Edward." Alice sits up quickly and grabs her head. "Whoa, head rush."

"Are you okay?" I ask slowly approaching the bed. I sit on the edge.

"I'm fine." She nods slowly. "Are _you _okay?"

"Yes, why?" I question curiously.

"Uh, you're different. You're nice." Alice laughs to herself.

"Do you want me not to be?" I ask dumbly. I didn't notice a change in me just that I wasn't swearing as much around her.

She is my sister and since I'm a messed up asshole doesn't mean I should treat her like a bag of dirt.

"No! I mean yes... I mean, I like how you are now. I'm just wondering what happened."

"I hit my head." I joke. "It knocked some sense into me."

"It's just, not you aren't complaining for a... yeah. And it's the morning that might be why. Tonight you might be different but right now, I like you right now big bro." She rambles.

"I have plans tonight." I tell her. I smile inwardly.

"Huh?" She asks. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to Breaking Dawn to play, you know how I used to all the time?"

"And since you brought your guitar out last night you just suddenly want to play more?"

I nod.

"Wow." Alice mouths. "What happened?"

"I met someone." I admit. "And I want to see... this person... again so the only way I thought was to invite... this person... to see me play."

"Who is this person?"

"Um, well... she's-"

"She!" Alice gasp and tossed some blankets aside. "You met a girl!"

"I kind of forced her to drink coffee with me but, yeah, I did-" I was cut off by Alice pulling me into a choke hold of a hug.

As little as she may be, she's got power. She's got strength.

I wrap my arms around her back and feel her warmth.

Strange. I couldn't recall the last time I got a hug or hugged someone.

Oh, mom's funeral.

Shit.

"What's her name?"

Esme.

"Wait who?" I ask.

"This girl." Alice giggles all giddy.

"Oh... Bella."

My sister pulled back and taps her chin. "I don't know a Bella."

"She's knew in town. I talked to her the other night and we had coffee last night so yeah..."

"Aw." Alice smiles and pats my shoulder. "She's a keeper."

"She's not mine." I shake my head.

"She makes you happy. So you should stick with her." Alice continues. "Bring her home, I want to meet her!"

"Alice..." I tug at my hair with my left hand. "I won't take her here, ever."

"Why?" Alice pouts.

"Oh hey, this is my house... yeah it's my sister's actually. I sleep on a mattress on the floor downstairs." I mock.

"Okay... We'll you know... Jasper and I are kind of close now."

"Don't tell me about it." I beg.

"What I'm saying is he stays here a lot yeah? In the guest room. Well he can stay in my room. Oh guess what? Him and I have actually been looking at houses! Not apartments! Houses!" Alice smiles widely.

My jaw drops. "What? You're moving."

"Oh hush. Jazz and I are thinking about moving."

"Okay." I nod slowly. "I'll find an apartment."

"No, you can come with us." Alice smiles.

I shake my head and Alice pouts again. "What's wrong? Why not?"

"I can't be the brother you drag around everywhere you go sis." I murmur. "I just can't."

"This is the far future anyways. Right now we can convert the guest room to your room."

"I still won't bring her here." I whisper.

"Why not?"

"She's so..." Perfect, innocent, adorable? "And this place..."

"I know, we live right by an alley and a bar. The house is a mess and the couch is a pull out bed. The lights flicker and we're lucky to have heat. You're sleeping on a mattress and our kitchen is the size of my closet when we lived with mom and dad... When they were alive. The toilet is pretty yucky and the shower is right across from it. This house is only 600 square feet and we're tumbling over each other... If Bella is you're friend she'll understand."

"She doesn't know much." I admit. "And I want to be better."

"Better for her?" Alice asks.

"For myself..." I shake my head. "For her."

"Okay, but I still want to meet her."

...

"This is a song called 'I Was Broken', by Marcus Foster." I say into the microphone. "Now don't hate I'll admit I'm a bit sketchy."

I look into the crowd as they laugh a bit at my hesitation.

I don't spot Bella but she did say if she has time and she never has time.

If she doesn't come...

I'm still doing this for you, mom.

I start strumming the guitar and faintly hear the door jingle open. I look up as Bella walks inside and a small smile spreads across my face. I move closer to the microphone and start signing, not taking my eyes from Bella.

...

"You're... wow... you're good." Bella smiles and sips her pop.

"Thank ya." I smile back from across the table.

Some other local is up singing while playing guitar.

"You're better than him." Bella looks to the stage.

"You're making me blush." I smirk.

"You're a lot lighter now then yesterday."

"I'm trying to sort things through."

"Like what?" Bella asks curiously. She's actually curious.

Someone is actually curious.

Someone cares-

Okay, maybe cares, but this is certainly a first.

Someone is... interested.

"Like what?" Bella repeats after I got lost inside my head.

"Everything."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Edward... Edward... Edward... Trying to sort things through. This'll be fun.**

**Please leave a review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Welcome back...**

**Here's some more of Bella and Edward time.**

**Disclaimer: Well, the characters aren't mine... But the plot is, or I think... I mean I've never read a story like this one but if there is someone who already wrote someone along these lines, I apologize.**

**Okay, enough rambling. On with it!**

* * *

><p><strong>(Edward POV)<strong>

I. Have. Balls.

Okay, well that's a little strange to say. But right now, in this exact moment... I kind of do.

Or else I wouldn't say this:

"You know, whenever we're together, we're sitting. Let's go and do something else."

Yeah, ballsy, I know.

I had courage but it all diminished when she didn't reply instantly.

She contemplates.

"Uh... where?" She's hesitant.

Don't be hesitant baby.

I shrug. "Not right now, it's late..." Now I'm stuttering. Again. Shit. "Some other night."

Because then I'd have tonight with her... and we'd go out again.

Go out?

I never go out.

But lately, things have been changing.

Like, I actually have hankerings for coffee and not alcohal.

That's freaking crazy.

Even the hab couldn't do that for me.

But, Bella... she's different.

Sometimes I swear she's some undercover therapist.

Or angel.

Shit, I'm cheesy.

She nods.

She actually nods. "Alright, I think I can do that."

"Really?" I ask. I cough into my hand so I don't sound so high pitched but I was surprised. "I mean, great."

She giggles.

"So you aren't busy anymore?" I question, leaning forward on my elbows, eyeing her across the table.

She winks. Whoa, she winks. "Not so much anymore."

"You were never busy." I accuse.

"Nope." Her lips pop on the 'p'. Then she tilts her head to the left. "Well, I have a life... But I just was never jam packed with things to do."

I chuckle. "You just play hard to get."

"Exactly."

"Clever, clever."

"Well, most people give up... I just didn't think I was ready for-"

"Ready for?" I ask.

"Friends."

"Oh."

"But you aren't that bad, Cullen." She nudges my hand.

I smile. "You aren't bad either, Swan."

I sit and for once, finally for once, I let myself be happy.

Not some screw up like I constantly get reminded of being.

"So, any plans this week?" Bella asks.

I shake my head but pause. "Oh wait, shit. Yeah."

I roll my eyes.

"What is it?" Bella asks and she sounds almost worried.

"I have a job." I say without any enthusiasum.

"Really? Where?" She raises an eyebrow.

This is almost embarrassing. "Walmart."

I hang my head when I say it.

"Awesome, you get you deals even with the roll backs." She jokes.

"I don't know. I'm starting tomorrow. But hopefully, or else it isn't worth it."

"Well for that and the money."

"True." I nod.

"And it's the Walmart here in town?" Bella asks.

I nod again. "Why?"

"Just wondering." She shrugs but she's giving me a mischevious look.

"Oh God no, do not come and say hello." I groan.

She laughs. "How did you know?"

"Your eyes gave it away baby." I laugh but stop mid-laugh when I realize what I've called her.

Ususally, I wouldn't care. Usually I call every girl that. It's like a damn nick name.

But with Bella, I just can't mess up.

She doesn't notice clearly.

"I should've closed them." She jokes. She's quite the jokester. I like it.

Unfortunately, we are opposites. I couldn't tell a joke if my life depended on it.

We're opposites...

I look down to my faded, torn, worn out, leather jacket then over to her little pea coat on the back of her chair.

Her hair is sleek and straight and mine is a mess. It's an undiscovered land. I swear someone could live up there.

She soft, small and frail.

Where as, I'm not.

Which is good since I'm a guy.

She has friends, family, a life.

A future.

I don't.

I'm going to work at Walmart until I'm ninety. And that's if I'm lucky.

I still live with my sister.

I rub the back of my neck before I speak up again. "Admit it." I try to joke, "You'd come to Walmart to see how sexy I look in that damn blue vest."

She laughs and it's musical and I want to hear it again.

"Damn straight." Wow she swears. "Better not let me down."

My cell phone vibrates in my back pocket and I grab it. Alice texted me.

_When'll you be home?_

I sigh and reply.

**When I get home.**

"What is it?" Bella asks, noticing my uneasiness.

"Sister of mine." I shake my head and feel my phone vibrate again.

_You have work tomorrow, don't be out too late._

I groan.

**Okay, mom.**

I tuck my phone away and enjoy the rest of my evening.

With Bella.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: What do you want to happen next?**

**Please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Welcome back, hope you're enjoying this story. I like to write it actually, and I don't get writers' block. Heh.**

**Disclaimer: As much as I love these characters, they aren't mind. SM owns them and we all know who that is ;)**

* * *

><p><strong>(Edward POV)<strong>

"I understand." Bella tells me and her hand is on mine across the table. My skin tingles excitedly.

I snort.

"No really." Bella pushes. "Not first hand, but…"

"But what?" I ask and Bella is back to biting her lip.

She looks at the table and to my dismay she withdraws her hand.

"Well you see…" She's stuttering now. "My mom was an alcoholic."

I'm instantly curious.

"For a while. Always, come to think of it. She didn't need an occasion. Heck, she didn't even care when she was pregnant."

Why do I get angry from that last sentence?

I sigh internally. Emotions really do suck.

"My dad left her but my mom refused to give me up. I don't know why, she just refused. So I saw my dad on weekends." Bella continues.

I look at her. Let me rephrase. I stare at her.

Curiously.

Cautiously she looks up and she has a sad expression written on her face.

I give her a questioning look.

Ya know, the 'what is it', look?

Yeah, I gave her that expression.

"I think, or I recall, being eight when she brought home someone when I was there. I mean, a guy from the bar or a club or wherever. It doesn't matter. They both were intoxicated."

I clench unexpectedly.

"There were laughs and jokes, I stayed in my room but I could hear all their 'chit-chat'. The laughs turned to yells, then some stuff broke and I hide in my corner at the angry slurs." Bella stops and takes a drink of her pop.

I wait patiently. For once.

"Wasn't long until I heard knocking on my door." She starts to play with her fingers and I want to play with them too. Yeah, I'm weird. "It was the guy she brought home. He was pounding on my door until it opened."

"I was scared." Bella admits shyly and pieces of her hair fall from where they were tucked behind her ear, casting over her face, hiding her from me. "He was… completely drunk I doubt he even remembers anything."

Uh-oh.

"He yelled and yelled. I can't recall what he said, just slurs. Cuss words? I don't know. But he was mad. And he just hit me. I don't know why. He grabbed me, shook me, tossed me, hit me and left." Her voice is shaking and I'm filling with rage.

I'm ready to get this assholes name and-

"I…" Bella stops. "I was shocked. He left, he left the house and after minutes and minutes of waiting to make sure he was gone I got up and found my mom leaned over the dining table completely knocked out."

"Bella." I mouth when I have nothing to say.

"I don't know why I'm saying this." She whispers. "I just… I never told anyone. I tried to tell my mom but she wouldn't listen, she never believed me. Though I did know, she knew. Ya know?"

That's a lot of knows.

But yeah, I know baby. I know.

I nod and my lips are in a firm line.

"Because she knew it was happening to her and I had proof it was happening to me. I didn't come out unscratched." Bella murmurs.

Her hands are flat on the table and I can see she has a ring on her pinkie. It sparkles.

I place my hand on hers.

"I thought that was the end of it." Bella shook her head to herself. "But it wasn't. It happened a few times a month. Different fellows from the bar, club, whatever and sometimes they'd be high."

"Bella." I whisper this time, not mouth. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." She nods. "That's my past, it's done. I can't change it. I can change my future. And I did."

"What did you do?" I question.

"Well I ran away, to my grandma. She and my mom never got along even though they're related. My grandma didn't need an explanation. She just knew what happened. She kept me for a while. She recently passed and that's why I'm here."

"How long did you stay with your mom?" I ask curiously. I'm calculating the years in my mind. Eight when… it started… Grandmother for a few years… and just getting here and she's what, 21?

"Until I was sixteen."

"Wow." I whisper astonished. She just put up with that… for years… eight years.

"You didn't deserve that." I whisper.

She sighs.

"You don't." I conclude.

"Edward." Bella says slowly, "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Well, I don't want to be rude… but I'm really just wondering."

"Spit it out." I urge in a calm tone.

I'm trying to be patient but I must admit, it's hard. Almost as hard as resisting temptation. Like a drink. I lick my dry lips. Bella speaks up.

"If your parents' passed away from a drunk driver –an alcoholic-, then why did you start to drink?" She wonders.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Good question Bella, good question.**

**Now does Edward have an answer?**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Sorry no updates lately… Busy, busy life. Kind of. Hah. Lots of little things to do seems more like it.**

**Anyway where were we?**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters, just their personalities.**

**What's the main phrase of this chapter?**

**"I don't care."**

**…**

* * *

><p><strong>(Edward POV)<strong>

"If your parents' passed away from a drunk driver –an alcoholic-, then why did you start to drink?" She wonders.

Without warning, unintentionally, my fingers clench and my jaw tightens.

"Good question." I manage to wheeze out. I'm all clenched. My body almost aches by how tight my muscles are. My breathing is heavier.

I don't talk about this stuff.

I just, don't.

"Are you going to give me an answer?" Bella asks me slowly, gauging my reaction.

Ah, no.

"Why the hell do you give a damn?" My voice is raised and a few bystanders turn their heads but I don't give two shits.

"Edward," Bella's voice is a soft whisper. "People are staring."

"Let 'em look. Hell, girlie, I ain't tellin' you nothing." I keep my voice raised but it too, is tight.

"Edward…" I watch as the girl before me, the only girl shakes her head slowly. " Calm down."

I laugh completely humourlessly. "Calm down?" I snort. "I'm not two and I'm not telling you nothing. We just met. Why do you even care?"

"I'm curious."

"Don't freaking be." I reply stiffly. I narrow my eyes and look at the empty cup before wishing I had something in there. Probably something with high alcohol content, yeah… That'd be nice. I don't look at the girl, Bella, anymore. I refuse to. She's pissed I can literally feel how pissed she's getting. But why? Shouldn't I be mad? She's the one pushing it.

Why the hell am I even here? I should go. Yeah, I don't do this stuff. I'm out of here.

But Bella beats me to it. She stands up and I cautiously look at her. And she opens her mouth to speak, her voice is harsh, "Can I leave now?"

"I don't give a damn." I lean back against the wooden chair and out of my peripherals I can see people still looking. I bite my tongue so I don't shout at them to take a damn picture. Damn people are so fucking nosy. Bella is still standing there so me –being the asshole I am- use my right hand and do the gesture to shoo her off. "See ya."

She bites her lip and looks like she wants to say something, but no she doesn't. She grabs her jacket off the back of the chair and puts it on. Once it's zipped she looks back to me. She looks like she wants ME to say something.

"I don't care." I say even though it makes no sense, but it's true. I felt so careless in the moment I might as well have let her know right?

Bet y'all are teaming up with her.

Skinnies.

"About what?" Bella asks me as she pulls out some loose change in her pocket and drops it on the table, probably paying for her drink.

"Anything."

She nods softly, slowly, as though if she did a quick nod her head would fall off and she turns and walks out. I watch her walk out, mostly checking out her backside. I chuckle to myself. I feel drunk.

I want to be.

After a while people get back to their own business and leave me alone, probably thinking I'm just messed in the head completely.

Let them think what they want though because I honestly do not care.

I don't care.

After a while, I get up and leave having nothing to do and my ass nearly falling asleep. I make sure I have my guitar all packed up and I get out of there. The minute I step outside I am engulfed by cold, night air and my nose is instantly frozen. I tighten my grip around the handle of my guitar case and walk away.

Walking down the street and turning the corner, I realize I am on the street I met Bella on. She dropped her keys, which I got in my hands and made me see her again. Why was I so… wanting… to see her? It made absolutely no sense to me. But it was still true. I still wanted to see her. Shit.

But I don't care…

Or I shouldn't.

She shouldn't want a thing to do with me. Ever.

Doesn't mean I can't want to be with her right?

Be with her… I snort to myself, still walking in the night's cold air. Maybe it was good that I was an asshole to her because now I am helping her. Sure it's not helping me and Alice was all excited and likes the fact I have someone in my life that I actually communicate with, but for Bella, well Bella deserves far, far more than I could ever offer. I can't offer shit. I crappy cup of coffee, a selfish attitude and some guitar playing is about all I could ever offer her.

Yeah, I'm a real ladies man.

Sarcasm.

But every time I blinked or got lost in my thoughts, every step I took, all I could think about was her.

Bella.

Another step forward.

Another thought of her.

Another step.

Another thought.

And another.

Another.

Shit.

This was far worse than the way alcohol took over my brain.

Then I realized how much I messed up.

…

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Aw Edward or should I say GrouchWard? Just let yourself be happy… **

***Sigh* Anyway, he's stubborn guys. What'll happen next? Who knows? Oh yeah… I do.**

**Ha ha, please review.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry it's been so, so long but I've had a busy past few… weeks. Yeah, and I'm still caught up in a hectic life, so you know what I did? I started another story, After Afterall. Yeah, that's me.**

**Anyway, this is just a bunch of drabble chapters, this story. I write whenever. Whenever I have time and want to.**

**Disclaimer: Well, the characters, as much as I love them… Are not mine but they are very, very OOC. Hell, who ever heard Edward cuss so much in the novels?**

**I sure didn't.**

…

* * *

><p><strong>(Edward POV)<strong>

I can't leave her alone. I don't know why. Maybe it's the other way around, she can't leave me alone, even though I am the one who keeps running back to her. Literally.

Yeah, I ran. After her. Down the street. Hell, it's snowing too. I don't care.

I'm stupid.

I know she's gone, but I'm still looking for her.

I messed up completely. I got mad.

I get mad a lot.

I always take it out on someone or something.

I didn't want to upset her or show her my anger. I'm just that much of an asshole. Really, I didn't mean to!

I walked home first, and then I couldn't even go inside after just departing her like that. So I turned and ran.

Here's my problem: I don't know where she lives. Honestly, I have absolutely no clue. The snow helps me a bit, I see footprints on the ground beneath me, but I don't know what ones belong to her.

I didn't meet her and ask, "Hey, what size are your shoes and what to their bottoms look like?"

No, because I'm stupid.

Even if I were smart, I don't think I ask about her shoes though. That's just a bit weird. Even for me.

None of that stops me from looking for her though.

Bella where are you?

…

After an hour, I'm frozen. Literally, my nose probably has snotsicles hanging down it. Nasty, who cares?

I go home, get inside, slump on the couch and defrost my ass.

My teeth are chattering.

Alice comes in the room but I don't know when. I'm to busy staring at the floor.

"How'd that go?" She asks, walking over to me. I can hear her footsteps, the little pitter patter of her feet.

"Whaddya think?" I question in reply and tilt my head to look at her. "I screwed up, like always."

"Did she like your music? She must have unless she's completely brain dead." Alice laughs to herself.

I growl. "She's not brain dead, don't insult her."

"Whoa," Alice holds her hands up defensively. "Protective much?"

I look back to the floor. "Just shut up," I grumble.

I feel the couch cushions sink down. My sister is sitting beside me and she pats my shoulder. "Then what went wrong?"

"I was myself." My teeth clench. "How can you think it could have possibly have had a good outcome?"

That's kind of a lie. I mean, I was myself and I couldn't say if Bella likes that or not, she's very hard for me to read. I still barely know her too.

What I mean is, we almost had a good outcome until I flipped. It wasn't her fault for asking the question; I honestly ask myself it pretty much everyday. No, it's my fault for not wanting to talk about it and freaking out.

I felt guilty.

It's like a freaking smack in the face.

I know I failed my parents.

I know I did. I know. I don't need to be reminded.

And even though Bella didn't intentionally mean to remind me, she did and it made me feel guilty. Like the bad guy and I know I'm the bad guy. I always was.

It's just with Bella; I don't want to be the bad guy. I don't want to be who I am, I want to be who I always dreamed of.

Happy, for a start.

But no, stupid ol' me had to ruin everything.

"She should love ya to bits then." Alice murmurs.

"Stop." I hiss.

"What?"

"Stop trying to make everything okay." I sit up. "You're my little sister. I don't need you taking care of my sorry ass. It's bad enough I live with you!"

"Edward," Alice shakes her head.

"Don't even start."

"Fine then. Tell me what went wrong."

Back to this are we?

"I got mad." I sigh in defeat.

"Why?" My sister questions me.

"You know me, Alice." I laugh humourlessly. "I'm a freaking spazz."

"I can't really deny that." She admits. "But I thought you liked this girl, a lot."

"I do. That's why I'm upset." I groan. "I hate myself."

"Don't." Alice pleads. "Edward, everyone makes mistakes. Everyone takes the wrong turn sometimes."

"Yeah, I take a lot of wrong turns. And if I turn the same way each time, I'm a square. A square that just repeats and repeats…"

"So break the path." She cut me off.

"Huh?" I entreat.

She shrugs; I see it out of the corner of my eye. "Make things right. I know you can."

"I want to." I admit shyly.

"Look, we aren't arguing. This girl must be an angel."

"She is." I nod. "I barely know her, but I know that."

"She's clearly meant to be around you if you can't get her out of your head and you don't really know her."

"I can't leave her alone." I confess. "I don't know why. I need to make amends."

Wow, I haven't cussed in a while. I don't want to either.

"Okay," Alice nods. "So do it."

"How?" I ask, pleading for an answer.

"For starters…" Alice gets up and hands me the phone off the coffee table. "Check our call history. Didn't she call?"

I nod.

My sister smiles at me. "Then you have her number."

…

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This Edward is complicating to write. Ha ha.**

**Meanwhile, if you want another story to read while waiting for another update… I have a happier story, called After Afterall. Check it out on my profile? You might like it.**

**Leave me a review as you walk out the door until next time? Thanks!**


	12. Chapter 12

**(Edward POV)**

How fucking retarded am I? Tracking down Skinny through call history. She'll think I'm a damn stalker. Hell, I am a stalker. I'm an asshole too. Yeah, I treated her like a piece of shit and I'm paying for it.

Reality check.

Okay, so I have her number on the phone's display, but for some reason my thumb won't press the talk button to call her. What'll I say? 'Hey look I'm sorry for being an asshole, it's just how I am. I really like you though. Want to stick around a fucked up guy like me?'

She'll laugh and hang up.

I'd probably call her again knowing me.

Shit.

I tug at my hair. Deep breaths.

Alice is standing behind me tapping her foot impaitently. How can she put up with me when I can't even put up with myself half the time? Angel, that's what Alice is. She deserves so much better than this dump and so does Bella.

Bella...

My thumb presses talk.

I swallow and bring the phone to my ear. It rings, which adds to my already intense headache but I suck it up. Someone picks up with a soft 'hello'. It's Bella.

I think I smile. I bring my free hand from my hair to my mouth and feel my smile. Well this is new to me. "Hello." I finally saw. Another moment or two she probably would've hung up.

"Edward?" Bella asks softly.

"Yeah, it's me." I reply in a hoarse voice. I sound like I've been smoking cigarettes for the past... well since I was born. I could go for one right now-

No. Bella is the main focus right now. Not some damn niccotine.

"Are you alright?" She asks cautiously.

I laugh. "Bella, really?" Sweetheart, I'm an asshole, stop being calm around me. Yell at me, scream at me, tell me you hate me, just don't...

"Yes really. Edward I'm so sorry I upset you." She says in a rush. "I really didn't mean to push any buttons or pull any strings or whatever that goddamn saying is!"

I smile at her cuss. So innocent yet so bad. I like it. I lick my lips. "I'm fine, really. I called to say the same thing."

"Oh, no, it's fine. My uncle lived next door growing up and he was the same way. He had lots of fits."

"Fits?" I scoff. I know, now is not the time to get angry, but really? A fit?

"You know what I mean. He was an alcoholic though - Oh Edward I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. It's who I was, am, whatever." I shake my head. Alice smacks my back and I turn to face her.

"Say sorry." She mouths widely and narrows her eyes. She still wants to meet Bella. I'll be lucky to see Bella again.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." I admit sadly. "I... it's, goddammit this is embarrassing!"

"Edward?"

"Bella." I sigh softly, her name rolling off my tongue like sweet honey.

"Where are you?" She asks me suddenly.

"Home." I look around the shitty apartment.

"Address please?" She asks and I recite the address I know by heart. "Okay," She continues. "See you soon."

Click.

She hung up.

What the hell?

I turn and face my sister.

"Alice... She's coming here."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I apologize for such a long wait. It's been months; the time flew. I know this is a drabble story, but hell, this chapter took a long time. I didn't plan out this story, that's why it's hard to write. I don't know where to take it and I think ending it is the best. I think I ended it well.**

**It suits the summary, will he fall back into his reckless ways or not? Here, Edward's given the choice. What'll he choose? Read on!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I love them though.**

* * *

><p><strong>(Edward POV)<strong>

When she gets here, I don't fucking know what to think. I can tell Alice doesn't either by the look on her face. I don't even know what Alice expected from Bella. Certainly not the beauty she is.

Alice offers her a seat at our dining table and I pull out some drinks. Bella wants just a water and Alice wants a soda and hell, I grab a beer for myself.

I sit down at the front of the table and awkwardly open my beer. "Ah, Bella, this is my sister, Alice."

"Hello!" Alice chirps all happily. She already adores Bella.

"Hi, Alice." Bella smiles and takes a sip of her water. She looks over to me. "Edward,"

"Hi." I say uncomfortably.

"I think I have a load of laundry in the wash that's just about done. I'll be back." Alice gets up and leaves me alone with Bella.

"Hi." Bella repeats.

"Hi." I say back. She eyes me carefully and leans forward against the table.

"Edward, what's going on?" She asks.

"With what?"

"Why do you keep calling me. I have my keys back. We went out and I heard you play guitar magically, then you got mad. It seems like you want me around and you don't at the same time."

I shrug.

"And then you act like this. You're going through a lot, I get that. I've been through a lot too. But I won't go through this. I really like you, Edward. I don't know why I find you so... right. I just do."

I don't take a drink from my beer, but play with the cap between my fingers. I don't look at Bella.

"I don't know what you want. I'm willing to help with whatever. I'll stay, I'll leave, I'll do whatever. I like you, a lot. Just now, with this lack of communication and you falling back to your old ways as it seems, I can't do this." I hear her stand up when the chair squeals against the ground. "So, I'll leave and when you decide what you want, I'll be around."

She turns and walks towards the door. I stare at the glass of water on the table. "Wait," I almost croak. My voice fails me at all the wrong times. I look over at her. She has one hand on the doorknob. "Please."

I hear her sigh, "Tell me."

"What?"

"Tell you me you want me around."

I huff. "I don't deserve-"

"Tell me the truth. I'll leave, I'll stay... just tell me."

I stand up and walk over to her. I place one of my large hands on her left shoulder. I instantly feel the tingly warmth from her skin.

"I don't know anything about myself. I don't know what I can be or want to be. I don't even know what I want for dinner. I'm horrible with words. I'm not close to people. I don't like being a burden. I want to change, but I don't know how. No one's paid attention or... cared.

"I fuck up all the time. I can't promise roses and I can't promise champange, especially when I'm trying to stay away from that shit. I don't want that, or I don't think I do anyways." I squeeze my eyes shut. "I mean, all I know is that when you're gone, I'm either thinking about you or trying to find you again. There's this guy inside me that wants to step out whenever you around; a good guy, a guy with a chance. I'm scared for that, I've never had that. I've never been the good guy."

Bella turns around and places both hands on my shoulders. My one hand that was on hers falls limply to my side.

"I know I want you. With you, maybe I can actually get better."

Shit, do I have more to say? The words just keep coming. "I guess I've learned that the trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.

"So please stay, give me a goal. Let me prove I deserve you."

Bella's eyes glisten and she nods. "Thank you, Edward. Thank you for telling me." She locks her arms around my neck and pulls me down to her mouth. Our lips meet with a warm, firey passion that builds in my core. My hands go to her rounded hips and I pull her flush with my body. She molds against me and I know I made the right decision.

The past was hell, the drinking was just a coping mechanism. I never knew another way and was too scared to try. I didn't know who I was. I still don't.

But now, for the first time in my life, there's a little light in my day, a reason to shine. I don't have to be a failure. You are who you make yourself to be. I want to be with Bella, I want to be happy. I don't want to drown my sorrows.

I won't waste my life.

I part my lips against her and bring my tongue out to flick her bottom lip. She sighs against my mouth and her warm breath falls into my mouth. I suck in her sweet scent greedily.

Behind me, I hear Alice squeal.

Bella and I part. When we face Alice she's all but jumping up and down clapping her hands together. "I knew something magical would happen one day." She sighs and wipes her eyes with both hands.

I look down at Bella who's radiating from her smile. The whole room seems lighter. I wrap my arms around her and pull her back to my chest. Her fingers twist up and into the hair on the back of my head. "Alice," I look over to my little sister. "You can pour that and the rest of those down the drain." I switch my eyes to the full beer bottle on the table. "I won't be needing that."

And with that said, I turn back to Bella and pull her in for another long, passionate kiss.

Definitely the right choice.

...

"_There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them." - Dr. Denis Waitley_

* * *

><p><strong>The End.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Short drabble fic... yes this was. But it came to what I think is a reasonable conclusion. He was given the choice to try or to fail. I think he chose right.**

**Sorry again for the long wait. Thanks for reading. Check out my other stories? I'll be posting a romance/crime/mafia story very shortly if you want to author alert me. :)**

**Leave a review? Thanks!**


End file.
